Trust Fall..........

So do you remember when you were in elementary school and middle school and in your health of gym class you would do an exercise with your classmates; where you would fall back into the other persons arms, hoping they were strong enough to catch you and not let you fall to the ground and smash your head open? Do you remember the sense of fear that you had while leaning back? Knowing that you truly didn’t trust the person the way that you should of. Or hoping they wouldn’t be the jerk that would let you fall on purpose just to get a good laugh.

Well……that is how I feel with God lately. I feel like he is asking and begging me to trust fall right into his arms and I am just terrified and unwilling to do it entirely. I keep stumbling in order to catch myself so that I don’t hit the ground hard and fast.

The past few weeks I have been deciding and contemplating if I should continue my studies at Gordon, or if I should transfer back home. The second I started thinking about this huge life decision I became instantly anxious and I had no clue what I was going to do. Continue on my path of endless debt at my school that I love so very much, or move back home and not have any debt and still get an amazing education? I felt more scared and overwhelmed than I had ever before in my life.

The worst thing was that I was not trying to ask God for his help and for his direction at first, I was trying to do it all on my own and make the decision by myself because it is “my life.” God was standing there telling me to fall and he would catch me but I just kept on stumbling to catch myself. I am still working on asking God for his help and still learning that I need to freely fall and he will catch me no matter what. Which is the hardest part of this all. But I know that no matter what choice I make God will be in control of the situation and that he will make it work for his will.